The One

The nickname for this one is going to be “the one” because he is the one who helped me move on from my breakup but also because I think in other circumstances and if the timing was different he would probably have been the one for me. 

Everything starts as one of my friends invites me over for a “raclette party”, at first I wasn’t going to show up as it was the same weekend as my ex's birthday. But considering I was now single and miserable I thought it would be a good idea to be social. 

Obviously I arrive late to the party (signature move) and my brother calls me as I arrive there. I’m in the living room, and there are about 15 people. “I’m so happy you’re going out” says my brother over the phone “is there anyone good looking?”. I scan the room, and that’s when I see him. Tall, slightly curly dark hair, and absolutely handsome. “Yeah, one of them is actually cute”. 

He’s not just cute, he’s my type on paper. 

The evening goes on, and we chat a bit. I learned that he works in fintech, and that he’s 28. 

It's about midnight, when I have to leave and was leaving at the same time as him. I don’t really remember how the conversation started but I learned that he is going to be in Birmingham the day after and I am also going there two days later. So I ask him what he is going there for, and he tells me that it’s for his work Christmas Party. 

AS IF, his staff party is happening in the same hotel I am staying at. 

My first thought was “this is too much of a coincidence” - and the wine in my metabolism got the best of me as I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee “or something” while we were both there. I am just there looking at him while he wears his beanie hat which makes him look even more gorgeous. He agrees to meet in Birmingham “why not”. We said good-bye and he left. 

I am there walking to the station, with a grin on my face when I suddenly realise : shit, I haven’t got any of his details apart from his first name, and didn't even ask him for his number. 

I have got to ask my friend who invited me to the raclette party - “Hey, do you have The One number?” he answers “ahahahaha!”. Me trying to act all innocent even though I am already planning our wedding “It’s just because we realised that we are in the same hotel on Monday!! What do you think” then proceed to send another text “But he’s not bad looking so…”. We have a full conversation and he tells me how The One is a really great guy but that he just came out of a 7 years relationship which affected him a lot. Well - at least we have this in common I guess? 

It’s 1am, and I decide to text him after reading the text over and over again to make sure it is perfect. “Hey! Sorry I hope you don't mind me messaging you but it’s Juliet. I just thought I’d message you if you want to meet for a coffee or something in Birmingham, if you’re up for it?”. 

Now at this time I am not even tipsy anymore and my stomach is in my shoes. I have not done anything like that in years but also re-thought my message 3 thousand times. A coffee ? Juliet, seriously? At that point I don’t even know why I messaged him. I just recently broke up with my ex, this doesn’t make sense. 

Nothing wrong with having a bit of fun right ? But is this for me ? “Just having fun”. I had my time of “having fun” when I was 19. 

My brother reassures me “don’t think too much into it, you find him good looking, go for a drink and see the vibe. You’re not committing to anything”. 

Why am I already thinking ahead when I don’t even know the guy and we met once? I need to chill. 

He gets back to me about 30 min later “Hey, of course that sounds great. When are you getting there again?”

I am in Birmingham meeting some clients all day. “They have planned a bunch of activities for us, we are going ice-skating before the dinner”. Shit - there was my chance to meet him gone. 

I arrive at around 5pm to the hotel and do my check-in. Bingo - they have upgraded me to a Suite! A nice bottle of wine and some chocolates are waiting for me. After a busy day this is everything I need. I text him to tell him in case his dinner finishes early, I will be in the bar having dinner and a drink. 

I ordered my usual - a Cosmopolitan, in true Sex & The City vibe. The barman is giving me the eyes, but my eyes are on that door in case I see The One walking through. He texted me “I am not sure if I’ll make it, we're in the middle of “company awards”. So maybe see you back in London? Free Thursday?” 

Damn - I am so impatient and it’s only Monday today! I answer that yes I am free Thursday and decide to head back to my hotel room. 

I take a long steamy shower, watch some TV and instantly fall asleep. 

It’s 8am when I wake up, I take my phone to snooze my alarm when I see I have missed calls and text messages from him. 

He texted me all night and called me as he was drunk. Which made me happy somehow. 

“You had a good night I guess?” I say. Turns out it was his birthday and his colleagues bought him lots of drinks. But he hadn't mentioned it. Shame - I had a lovely suite just for me…

Thursday came and we decided to meet at Mercato in Elephant and Castle. 

I caught the tube, hopped on a bus, got a text saying he’d arrived, but couldn’t spot him. Realised I was at the wrong place. Shoot. Not the smoothest move. Tried to fix it by taking the bus to the right spot, but somehow ended up going the wrong way. Seriously, could I be any more clueless?

I finally arrive about 20 minutes late, and there he is, patiently waiting for me. Feeling a tad awkward, I can't help but notice how handsome he looks, his smile incredibly warm. Initially, it's all quite embarrassing. As we step into Mercato, I find it hard to speak. My body feels numb, and I'm at a loss for words.

We found a table and decided to get some mulled wine. Thankfully, the conversation started to pick up. He then asked about my breakup timeline, and to our surprise, we realised we ended things with our exes around the same time. Another coincidence? 

We both had a craving for pizza, which quickly became our signature dish whenever we were together. With laughter filling the air, I couldn't help but feel a strong attraction towards him. It took all my willpower not to jump on him right then and there.

 Enjoying cocktails, I had chosen a margarita, but I sensed I was reaching my limit, so I decided not to finish it to maintain the vibe of the date. As he escorted me back to the station, his touch left me feeling as rigid as stone. I was completely unsure of how to react or behave at that moment.

As we said goodbye to each other at the station, I sensed he wanted to kiss me, but I panicked and ended up giving him a quick peck on the cheek before bolting away. I mean, I literally ran off. I was absolutely mortified. Immediately after, I texted my friend, saying, "OMG, I think he was about to kiss me, and I totally freaked out!"

The day after, on Friday, my work evening out takes us to Kidzania adult night. We have a great time, drinking plenty, and even my boss treats us to tequila shots. Now, I'm only 5'3", so alcohol tends to hit me fast. Add to that my anxiety, and I start feeling overwhelmed, like a panic attack might be coming on. I excuse myself to the restroom and text The One, "I'm thinking of ditching my colleagues. Want to meet up?" He responds, asking if I'd like to head to his place.. 

After some deliberation, I decided to follow my gut instinct. I hop into a taxi and find myself in front of his house. He's waiting for me there, still looking incredibly handsome. As I enter, feeling a bit tipsy, I confess to him my state. He reveals he's also a bit tipsy from hanging out with his friends. Since The One shares his place with someone else, we head straight to his room. Without hesitation, he pulls me close, my coat still on. I slip it off, and we share our first kiss. It's electrifying – he's not just good-looking but also an amazing kisser. 

The night unfolds, and let's just say it's been a while since I've had such incredible sex. It was truly a night to remember. The next morning, as I head home, I can't help but wonder if this guy will ever text me back. Did he just get what he wanted? But to my surprise, I received a text from him saying he had a great night too. I'm honestly in need of a couple of days to recuperate from it.

This was before Christmas and he was going to go back to his family for the festive season, so we chatted by text message for a little while. But to be honest he isn’t much of a texter, so the messages were slow. I did not like this about him. 

The one doesn’t have social media either so it was hard for me to stalk. Something that struck me was that I found him on Facebook (a girl got to stalk you know) - and when I mentioned it to him, I couldn’t find him on Facebook anymore. “I honestly have nothing to hide,” he told me one night. 

I decided not to think too much about it. 

It was now Christmas time - and I flew back to France to spend it with my family while he also went to his family outside London. 

We chat everyday, but infrequently and we tease each other a little bit. One day I text him “I’m very attracted to you tbf, like there’s something about you. I just can’t explain what it is”  he took 3 bloody hours to reply, and I thought to myself “you’ve scared him off”. I was so ready to delete the message when he replied “Likewise! I'm really looking forward to seeing you again” butterflies. 

Between Christmas and New Year we both came back from our family house for a couple of days. 

As I was moving out of my current flat, and the new one was unfurnished, I needed to pick up a sofa from someone's house. I jokingly asked him if he could be my chauffeur if I rented a van, but to my surprise, he agreed to help. We rented the van and embarked on a journey all the way to West London, only to drive back to my new flat in East London. The total journey took about 4 hours, giving us plenty of time to chat and get to know each other better.

I don’t know what got to me - but I needed to ask. 

Navigating the dating scene after a six-year break left me feeling unsure about the "protocol" or "how to." "Can I ask you something?" I tentatively brought up. "What are you looking for?" It was only our third time meeting, so I could tell I caught him off guard. "Well, I've just come out of a long-term relationship, so I'm not really in a rush to jump into anything. I think I'd prefer to keep things casual," or something along those lines, is what I recall him saying. Boy, I really need to familiarise myself with the dating norms again.

I'm on the same page as him. Labels? Not really feeling them right now because I'm still figuring things out. And hey, I want to keep it real—I don't want to give him false hope if things change for me later. Just laying it out there from the start, you know?

The day after it’s time for him to leave for Cornwall, he and his friends (9 of them in total) had rented a house for NYE. I was also going to my friend's house in the Lake District for a more chilled new year. 

I remember thinking that he would not text me during that time. 

But he ended up talking to me, and sent me pictures, videos and descriptions of the house “there is a pool room, sauna” the only thing I can think of is that there are girls, alcohol and a pool. 

I got to keep it together and remind myself of the conversation we’ve had. I’m not wanting nor giving myself the permission to be jealous when we only met a couple of times - right ? 

The one texts me at half past midnight “A girl here is trying so hard to get with me it's awkward”. My heart drops - Jesus, Juliet get it together ! 

It's hard to say why he brought it up. He might be testing my reaction, or perhaps he's a bit tipsy and not fully aware of what he's saying. Then again, some guys just blurt things out without thinking twice. When I texted him asking if he's interested, and he said "not at all," it seemed pretty clear-cut. As for his comment about her looks, saying she's "conventionally good looking" could mean she fits society's standards of beauty, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's into her. It might just be that she's a friend to him. I definitely need to discuss this with my girlfriends in the group chat!  

It’s New Year’s Eve, and he sends me pictures and videos of his evening, looking incredibly dashing in a tuxedo. I can't help but grin from ear to ear. He also sends group pictures where all the ladies look absolutely stunning. Ever had that moment when you start comparing yourself to others? You thought you looked great, but suddenly you feel like garbage? All I could think about was how my body would never be like theirs and how I don't look nearly as mature or good as them. It's a terrible feeling—like crap, honestly.

It's New Year's Eve, and he sends me a "happy new year" message at midnight, but then I don't hear from him again until the next morning at 11 am. Suddenly, all I can think about is that he's probably off having sex with that girl. Why am I even thinking this way? The guy is most likely passed out drunk in a corner somewhere or just chatting nonsense with his friends, not even considering hooking up with someone. I'm usually not this paranoid, especially with someone I've just met, so I'm not sure what's going on here. 

That's it - I'm realising I'm getting attached way too quickly. It's a typical issue when you start dating shortly after a breakup. I need to set some boundaries for my own well-being. The One hasn't done anything wrong; it's just up to me to decide how deeply I let myself feel.

I've been holding back from initiating conversations with him, choosing to let him make the first move. And he does - for a couple of days, he sends me good morning and good night texts. We even discuss the idea of taking a sick day together just to relax with each other. Then he suggests I visit his place during the week. But now, I'm torn. Am I pushing too hard to get his attention, or is something inside me urging me to just take it easy? I've been making a real effort - like when he texted me at 5 pm, I waited until the next morning at 10 am to reply. I even went as far as not responding to see if he'd reach out again - and he did! It's frustrating how flawless he seems. Sometimes, I wish he'd show some red flags so I could stop getting so attached! 

During that week, we met at his place, opting for takeaway. I dressed in one of my best outfits, a cream co-ord, and he complimented me. It felt nice, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I wished we could have a date somewhere other than his house. It seems like we only meet for sex, which is fine for Casual Juliet, right? But what does "casual" even mean? I spoke to my friends, and everyone had a different take. "A casual relationship for me is basically just sex and non-exclusivity," says one. "For me, it means having a relationship without the labels and commitments," says another. Why isn't there one clear definition? Six years ago, things seemed clearer. It was either sex without dating or dating with the potential for something more. "If you only see him in the evenings, it means one thing: he's only here for sex, Juliet," says my friend. Okay, got it. But why do we text so much then?

I brought along one of my favourite bottles of white wine, and he was appreciative of the gesture. I ended up staying the night, although in hindsight, it might not have been the wisest decision.

As usual, we had amazing sex – it's like our bodies just sync perfectly with each other. He cuddled me, his touch sending shivers down my spine, and I couldn't help but revel in the sensation. Spending time with him feels incredible. It's easy to forget how comforting it is to have someone to sleep next to at night.

We continue talking every day for weeks, and he even asks me to send him a picture of myself in my dress at my work Christmas party. Admittedly, I may have drunk texted him a bit too often. I find myself going to his house frequently, but it's always for dinner and a "sleepover." He's incredibly supportive, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed by work. We also discussed the possibility of going on a road trip to Wales together in the spring. When I decided to resign from my job because of my mental health he texted me “thinking of you” like who is that nice seriously? The only other person who treated me this way was my ex at the start of our relationship, and it was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. His kindness and constant care for me meant the world, and it's a quality that I find myself appreciating in The One as well.

As things started to feel a bit overwhelming, my gut began signalling that we needed to have a discussion. We decided to meet on a Saturday, and I took the initiative to plan the day. For once, we met at a more reasonable time. I picked him up from his house at 12 pm, and we went axe throwing, which turned out to be a fun and unique date idea. However, when he went to get us drinks, the lady supervising the game referred to him as my "partner." Partner? I was taken aback and felt incredibly shy. Should I correct her and say he's not my partner? But then again, she doesn't need to know our relationship status, and why am I getting so worked up about a simple question? I simply smiled and nodded, but deep down, I knew my reaction wasn't normal. I needed to chill out, I told myself.

After about an hour of axe throwing, he suggested we go to a small Italian place nearby. We enjoyed some pizza slices and had a pleasant chat. Then, we decided to take a stroll in Battersea Park. When he ordered hot chocolate with marshmallows, I couldn't help but melt a little. We walked and talked for about an hour, discussing life. However, our conversations always seemed to circle back to his ex, and I sensed that he needed to talk about it. Although he encouraged me to talk about my ex too, I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about the past. I didn't want to dwell on past relationships; I wanted to focus on moving forward.

Part of me couldn't shake the feeling that I might be a rebound for him, and I didn't want to feel like I was being "used" for this reason. However, I also realised that he was helping me move forward from my breakup. So, was he also my rebound? It was hard to tell at this point. After going to the cinema, we headed back to his place where he cooked me dinner.

I stayed over and as usual we had sex - but for the first time. I didn’t feel anything, no attraction to him, no feelings, nothing. I felt empty. It was like my gut was telling me something. 

It's astonishing how I went from feeling utterly captivated by him to suddenly feeling nothing, only to be overcome by a wave of sadness. I recall waking up before him, noticing that he wasn't holding me or even touching me. It was as if we had disconnected somehow. He lay there on his side of the bed, still looking as handsome as ever with his beautiful nose and eyes, while I lay on the other side, feeling distant. It felt odd and unsettling. 

I suddenly felt overwhelmed by a flood of emotions—loneliness, sadness, and confusion all at once. My heart and mind seemed to be at odds with each other, pulling me in different directions. I knew I had to take action. After taking some time to reflect, I came to a decision: I needed to protect my feelings. I couldn't help but wonder, was I starting to develop attachment towards him? Were feelings beginning to blossom? This was problematic. The timing couldn't have been worse; we both agreed to keep things casual, having recently come out of long-term relationships. Were we diving into closeness too quickly?

I took the day to think and decided to message him these exact words : “Something I wanted to share with you as I am a big believer in communication. I hope you don’t mind. 

After I left your house today I felt very very lonely and that was quite unsettling to be honest. I just had that feeling of being “used” which I’m sure it’s not what you intend to do at all. But I just thought It would be better for me to be honest with you. It kinda left me uncomfortable and I feel like I need some time to process my feelings and focus on my wellbeing. I’m just in a weird place in my life currently and I’m extremely fragile to the smallest of things and I need to protect myself.” 

We had a long conversation about us, which I've chosen to keep private as I believe he deserves his privacy too. However, what emerged from it was the realisation that we were both in different phases of our "casual dating" journey. For me, it was straightforward—I couldn't invest my trust and emotions in someone who was seeing other people. He was honest enough to admit that he was seeing another woman. He said, "I'm speaking to another person pretty infrequently," and reassured me, "I enjoyed our time together." Despite his respectful attitude in our messages and our ability to communicate effectively, I couldn't help but feel hurt and disappointed. It confirmed what my gut had been telling me all along. 

I'd be lying to myself if I pretended I was okay with him seeing other people. This conversation should have happened earlier, and now I find myself stuck in a whirlwind of emotions. I feared this would happen; evidently, I misunderstood the concept of casual dating. I always believed there were only two options: either we date with the hope of something more, or we engage in purely physical encounters without any emotional ties. However, no one is immune to developing feelings when two people enjoy each other's company and communicate daily. It just didn't make sense to me. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of him kissing with someone else after I had invested so much trust in him and shared so many moments together. 

We decided to leave it at that - and I decided to text him a couple of days later “Hey The One, I've been thinking about our time together, and I realise I didn't express enough gratitude for your kindness and help. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know you, and I hope our paths cross again. Wishing you lots of happiness in the future, and I must admit, I do miss our time together a little bit.”  I felt the need to end things on a positive note. We still shared mutual friends, and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving things unresolved. Some might call it needing closure. He expressed missing our time together too. For the next couple of months, we texted infrequently, maintaining a friendship and catching up on general things.

Fast forward a couple of months later, we were meeting our mutual friends to watch the F1, but we were first meeting a friend with a boat for a "cruise" from Little Venice to King’s Cross. Both of us ended up running late, so we had to catch up with the group at Camden Locks. He texted me to ask if I had arrived, and as I was walking towards Camden Locks on a crowded Saturday, he texted, "I’m on the other side, I’m wearing my hat." Oh man, was he doing this on purpose? That hat always got to me.

I'm on one side of the locks, and that's when I spot him on the complete opposite side. He waves at me, flashing the biggest smile and looking incredibly handsome with his hat. Gosh, I had forgotten just how good looking he was. This moment felt surreal; my whole body went numb as I gazed at him smiling at me. Here we were, after maybe one or two months of not seeing each other, and I'm suddenly back in the deep end. 

I walk around to join him, and we greet each other with a hug and a quick chat. I can't bring myself to look him in the eyes, or else I'll start giggling like a schoolgirl. Our friends arrive, and we hop on the boat, chatting comfortably as if nothing had changed. He asks about updates in my life, and I reciprocate with curiosity about him. Later, at the pub to watch the F1, he positioned himself directly in front of me under the TV—a perfect excuse to steal glances at him the whole time. He even buys me a drink, a gesture I appreciate.As the evening winds down, everyone starts to leave. We bid each other goodbye at the underground station, and that's it. No grand finale. Part of me feels a tinge of sadness at the simplicity of our interaction, but another part understands that this is for the best. 

I had mentioned I have dinner plans and need to stick around, so I decided to take the tube to the dinner place and wander around to kill some time which gave me some time to think.

We're both at different stages in our lives, and he may not be what I'm looking for in a man, at least not now. Sometimes, it's better to leave things as they are because the timing just isn't right for either of us. I'm ready to move on, but he may not be. I suspect he's still very attached to his ex and likely still healing from it. He needs time to process his feelings and figure out what he wants. It's too early in our healing journeys for both of us, and I've always known that. I just wish I hadn't allowed myself to fall for him. 

I wasn't in love, that's for sure, but I can confidently say that I started to develop feelings for him. Admitting this can be tough, but it's not a sign of weakness; rather, it's a sign of honesty and vulnerability…

No, I don't think I was stupid to feel this way after such a short time. I was vulnerable coming out of a relationship that really broke me in the end, and I needed him as much as he needed me. We both helped each other move on, and that's what I want to remember. I want to remember how great of a person he is and how wonderful it was to go through this experience with him.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I believe The One and I had a lot in common and shared a perfect connection, both physically and emotionally. 

However, unfortunately, the timing just wasn't right.

Juliet