Mind you, I have not been single in 5 years and not dated for about 6 years. So when my ex broke up with me and after I had weeks of feeling like I was dying, I decided to get my head out of the water and start dating again. 

One thing that I was not told was how much the dating scene had changed in 6 years – you would think I should know that considering it has been so long but for some reasons I just assumed it would be the same. 

I have to say, that all the memories of me dating when I was 20 had disappeared and it was like I had forgotten all the “codes” on how to date a man, and got quickly accustomed with the “how NOT to date a guy”. 

Dating has become ruthless, but I am still wondering if it is only with us women or if men are experiencing the same thing ? The more I started talking about it around me the more women were agreeing and even sharing their dating stories which were all very similar to mine. 

Are men the problem? Are we the problem? Why is dating so hard and so emotionally draining? Surely if two people have good energy and like spending time with each other this should be enough ? That was before I started learning about situationships and casual relationships – opposed to casual sex. 

Why are there so many rules to follow? “You shouldn’t chase a man” “Don’t have sex with a man on the first date” “Do not date younger” “Never accept a last minute date”. Are those even working? 

Surely you are now thinking that possibly the best course of action would be to wait until I am “ready” to start dating again. But what does “ready” even mean ? Am I ever going to recover from the sudden breakup and emotional trauma that my ex put me through ? Probably not, but I know that now I have moved on and “ready” to prioritise myself. 

My standards have changed and I now know what I want and what I don’t want. But dating has also taught me many things about myself and what does and doesn’t work for me. 

Now you must be wondering why I have called this “Sex & The Misery” – firstly because I am a big fan of Sex & The City so had to make a reference, but mostly because at present this is how I feel with the dating scene. Maybe throughout my writing I will end up happy in a relationship but writing today it is mostly the latter. This is London, which in my opinion has a lot of similarities with the NYC dating scene.

Why am I putting myself through this? You must be wondering, if I am so “miserable” ? Maybe because I do love the sudden shot of adrenaline that dating gives me but also because I had forgotten how it felt to feel like you are attractive enough for men to want to date you. And also because I 100% entertain my friends a lot with my dating stories. 

I have been wanting to write down my dating stories for a while as one day I was telling my stories to my friends and they said this was highly entertaining, but one of them had to leave and wanted to know the rest as well as “regular updates”. So friends reading this, you will know (if you don’t already) all the ins and outs of my dating life since I broke up with my ex, as well as updates and “what’s new”. 

I decided to respect the privacy of the people I mention in this, so I will use nicknames to refer to them – which I find makes it even more interesting anyway. As I am writing this I already have many stories to tell, and as time goes on I will have updates and more. Therefore at some point I will most likely be mentioning dates so it makes sense in the narrative. 

I hope some of you will find this entertaining and even get to learn a bit more about the current dating life for women but also just have a good laugh at my “Misery”.